sometimes relationships are better spent apart...

the relationship with my mother-in-law and i got very bad during the last couple of weeks before we moved out of the house. i guess she felt i was taking her son away from her. although it was my husband she usually quarrelled with, it was me who always was the antagonist in her stories to friends and family over the phone. in fact she would reiterate to my husband over and over again that, he has changed now or that he has a very bad attitude now-- "now" of course meaning since he married me-- which implies that i am the cause of all the changes in him. there were a lot of very unpleasant moments that i kept to myself and my husband because i felt that my family already had a very bad impression of my in-laws from what i have told them.

this bitter relationship is partly the reason why we moved. we felt that a line has to be drawn, that if we stayed with them they would always see us as children instead of our own family unit and would always have their nose in our business whether we like it or not.

so we decided to have our own place and visit them over the weekend so that we can make sure they have everything they need.

this was to be the first weekend of our "visiting" relationship. at first she kept pouting at us when we arrived, but my husband quickly told her that we were eating out for lunch (which is one of her favorite pastimes) so she was too busy getting ready to say anything bad. we treated them to a buffet lunch and she was in considerably good spirits, talking about her week. telling us about papa's recent misadventures.

we took her to costco and she shopped to her heart's (and her wallet's) content. then my husband shaved his father's head, beard, mustache and cut his fingernails while his mom got ready for church. she was pretty happy to see her husband so well groomed.

we took them to church, got their medicine from the pharmacy and shopped for food. my husband cooked several dishes for them to heat for dinner during the week. they spend their days in the adult health center and eat breakfast and lunch there.

we made plans for today and for the next weekend. all in all i felt that she was very happy that we were there. she hasn't been that way in a long time. i felt we spent more time with them than we did when we were spending 2 to 3 hours a day caught in traffic, tired and grumpy when we got home.

i guess the time apart helped and the boundaries that were drawn enhanced the relationship. now she can really see that she has to be grateful that her son is there for her, instead of thinking that it is his obligation to be there. my husband has his own family now and she has to accept that-- and frankly, i think she already has:)

a lot like home...

october 29, 2005 was the first night we spent in our own place. we're renting an apartment in orange. it's about four blocks from where i work. about 5 minutes from the anaheim stadium, 7 minutes from the arrowhead pond in anaheim, 10 minutes from disneyland.

i haven't enjoyed so much peace and quiet since i got to the US! i wake up to the sound of soothing water coming from the fountain outside my window. i bathe as long as i want (well, long enough to not be late for work, that is). i am never late for work-- even if i let my husband sleep until i finish making breakfast.

i just got cable internet installed this morning. my husband is still amazed at how much more faster it is than dsl and is telling anybody who calls him. we bought a refrigerator last night, but that won't be delivered til friday.

the place is starting to look like home-- although we are still sleeping on an aerobed mattress, and i still have quite a bit of boxes to unpack. i need a kitchen shelf that will hold all my husband's kitchen gadgets, but that can wait for a bit, i have a lot of closet space to accommodate them at the moment.

i love the privacy and the quality time i can now spend with my husband. mmmmm... it maybe a temporary address until we get our own house, but it sure feels a lot like home at the moment!:)